Morrissey Would Be Proud

I'm still tring to learn medications. Someone suggested I put them to music. Nothing ventured... I've been humming Jeane by The Smiths all the way round the ward, and given the downbeat nature of the original lyrics, it seem obvious to link it to antidpressants. It doesn't really fit, but I've had a fun three hours playing with it. Perhaps a kind person will make it into a karaoke video?


Jeane

The low-life has lost its appeal
And I’ve tried walking these streets
And I’m eating five a day (and offered talking therapy)

Jeane
I'm not sure what SSRI means
But I know there’s fluoxetine
And I know seratonin gets a boost
(If you don’t mind nausea and no sex)

We tried citalopram and we failed
We tried fluvoxamine and we failed
We tried paroxetine and we failed
We tried certraline and we failed

We tried venlaflaxine, (SNRI) we failed

We tried duloxetine (SNRI) and we failed
(We tried for 6 weeks and if we saw results kept going for 6 months)

Jeane
There's tricyclics on the sink where we bathe
So how can we manage a home
With drowsiness and sleep problems?

(but you’ve got a drink for the dry mouth so never mind the nausea, weight gain and no sex) We need the noradrenaline Jean as well as the seratonin

But you still hold a TCA
As you take amitriptyline
But don’t overdose
Jeane

We tried mirtazipine (TeCA), and we failed (we were fat, tired but didn’t need the sink)

We tried and we failed
We tried

Oh ...
Cash on the nail
Tryptophan’s just a fairytale
Oh ...
You got to try the MAOIs first
Jeane

But I think you know
I really think you know
Oh ...
I think you know to avoid cheese meat and beer (it’s the tyramine)
Jeane

Oh ...

No heavenly sleep
Not for me and not for you
Because I think you’re fat
And maybe nauseous and dry mouthed
I think you know the MAOIs
Oh ... (To stop breakdown of seratonin and noradrenaline)
Jeane

That we tried phenelzine, and we failed
That we tried tranylcypromine, and we failed
We tried isocarboxazid and we failed
We tried moclobemide and we failed (though we could feast)
Oh ...
Oh ...now we’ve got discontinuation syndrome
Jeane

 
If you're not open mouthed with astonishment, I give you permission to laugh.