Wednesday 22.7.09

The school holidays feel well under way, so H is about. Nina was home all day too with a bad cold. I underestimated the impact this would have on me. It is cozy to have them about, but I find that I am used to, and need, time on my own. It's a difficult balance. I stayed in bed late, reading and thinking, got up and watched a bit of TV with them. I got nothing done around the house although the day before I put the kitchen properly to rights, getting rid of the magnetic fridge poetry that took the paint off the fridge with it. By today, the kitchen was a mess as usual.

I went out for a while, managing to do some writing in the Morrisson's cafe. Mum had been quite positive about my work and I am pleased about that because she knows about books and tends to be honest about them. It feels a long way off me being ready to go to a publisher, although I have a synopsis and two chapters so it could be done. I would rather just write it and then perhaps send it about. I am encouraged though, which given the current ebb in my self esteem is no bad thing.

There's been lots of rain, so I've been taking Darcy road walking, hanging on thinking it may stop and going out just as it gets dark. Approaching the school down the road, there was a group of a dozen or so young people. A mix of boys and girls, I would guess that their age averaged sixteen. I experienced the sinking feeling of approaching a group after dark, wondering if there would be any trouble, but even from a distance, there was no menace. They were milling about working out where they were going for the evening. 'We could go to -'s' 'No, his place is too far.' ' -'s then.' ' My Mum's in with her boyfriend.' And so it went on. They were passing around fivers to the oldest looking of the group to buy cider, while the owner of the off-licence opposite looked out of her door. Everybody seemed happy and easy, all getting on well. It made me nostalgic for those times in my life. Nobody told me at the time how precious it was and how fleeting it would be. I was, as these young people were as unknowing as the snails I saw on the pavement the other day.