Thanks Mum

Nina is 21 today. Where did my life go? Subconscious working overtime, I was awake for the early-morning time she was born. We gave her some money to go to a festival this weekend, and a TV as a surprise gift.

For a special birthday treat, I offered to give her a lift to her job, usually a half hour walk away. The trouble is that she doesn’t drive and I didn’t know where the job was. We picked a route we thought we knew, but in the year that Nina has been at Uni a new housing estate has been built and the road layout changed. Lost, we got out the sat-nav, but the little voice was perplexed, taking us in ever increasing circles as the traffic built up.

Already ten minutes late, but luckily still laughing, I drove Nina to the nearest point from which she could find the way on foot – virtually home. ‘Thanks Mum.’

In my bad sitcom life it’s a parable of motherhood: trying to do my best, blundering about making mistakes, and still somehow managing to have great kids.

Happy Birthday Nina (sssh, she hates it when I write abut her).

Saturday 27.6.09

Today was all about Nina's 19th Birthday party, except that it mostly wasn't. I was still overtired from the Cornwall trip and had virtually no energy do the megga tidy and cooking session that I had agreed to, and had intended to do yesterday. In the event, Nick did all of the cleaning and I quite enjoyed making a nice buffet. The house looked good when we left at lunchtime, and I'm fairly confident that it will be still standing when we get back tomorrow.

Nick and I had planned ahead and booked into the Village Hotel. It turned out that we had different expectations though. Nick wanting to have a cuddle, read the papers and sleep (probably not in that order of priority), me wanting to go in the jacuzzi, lie on the sun loungers and maybe even go in the gym, I had the kit all ready. We half way fell out because Nick flat out refused to go along with my version of the day, although happy for me to go do it on my own. Just this once, I wanted his company more than to do the anticipated activity. I do a lot on my own, and mostly don't mind. I did mind this time, it was supposed to be our day after all. I gave in with as much good grace as I could muster, and we spent the whole afternoon and early evening in our muggy hotel room with the slightly dated brown decor and the hidden tea-making facilities. The Chinese meal out was a treat though, and we were back in time for Casualty. Bonus!

In the event, it was lovely to spend some time together, and between the tensions, we had a lot of laughs. There is something naughty about a married couple checking into a hotel half a mile from their house, luggage: a backpack, and a carrier bag containing champagne and strawberries. Roll on Nina's 20th, we might make it as far as Warwick.

Wednesday 6.5.09

Feeling up-beat today, so firmed up plans to go to Cornwall and while I'm there, see two old schoolfriends. It should be an interesting visit as lots is going on for my brother R as well. All I needs is some good weather and Darcy & I will be in our natural element. I want to get out to the seaside at sunset, both because this would be nice, and also for writing purposes. As I stood in the kitchen cooking jacket potatoes, I started to get nervous, but I have some confidence that it will go well, so long as I can stop myself from saying anything dreadful. Unfortunately, I always have the potential for that, but so far so good. I spent a fair bit of this afternoon laughing on Facebook with S over the 'french fancies fetish' (her most excellent alliteration). Good vibes for good times.

I am reading a new book, Time For Bed by David Baddiel. An insomniac reading about insomnia. The writing is patchy, some great paragraphs infilled with stuff that's much less certain. It was his first novel though, so I am feeling forgiving of it. Amazon also sent me a Stewart Lee Stand-Up Comedian DVD. I loved the excerpts I saw on Youtube but couldn't settle to watch it today. I was settled enough by teatime to watch The Apprentice, which is becoming fantastic. Each year's reality TV shows come around, I get myself involved in them, then they are gone, and I forget them. A poor use of time, apart from the bonding time they give me with Nina, and so, a good use of all to those hours.

Darcy had another walk through the woods next to Hearsall Common. It was the way a broad-leaf wood is meant to be; canopy of freshly grown sunlit foliage, squirrels sitting on drifts of dry fallen leaves then running up tree trunks, the song of blackbirds and the sound of smaller creatures in the undergrowth juxtaposed with of the chimes of an ice-cream van. The background grumble of traffic didn't seem to matter. I took some pictures, but they don't do the scene justice, especially the bluebells which were numerous enough to spread their scent across the paths, making me think of Yardley soaps. I didn't see any fairies, or wood elves, or even hobbits, but I could have been in a Tolkein landscape.

On the way back from the woods, I stopped off to give Nina's friend A my copy of Someone Likes Yogurt (the DVD that has Richard Herring talk about the possibility of putting a live trout into the vagina of a 16 year old girl) for his birthday, but I will order myself a new one. A is 18 today, so I can now say I have known him 'man and boy'. I only want to say that because I find the phrase apposite and nostalgic all at once. The DVD was for the 'man' A, I also gave him a jumbo pack of Swizzlers sweets for the 'boy' who I hope will never entirely grow up.

Someone suggested I should put in links to other websites. I don't know how to do that properly, but if you can't Google for yourself:

http://www.richardherring.co.uk/ I think you can find Facebook and Youtube on your own, the clue is in the name.

Wednesday 25.3.09

Happy Birthday to me!

Stratford

Chips

Chat

DVD

Lasagna

Cake

The Apprentice

Feeling pretty good

Thursday 5.3.09

Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband Nick. 47 bumps today.

I've known Nick since he was 21 and although it has been quite a journey, a lot of it on a bus with no suspension, power steering or even breaks, he is unchanged in spirit. I was going to try to describe him, but sitting here now, I know I can't begin to do him justice.

Physically though, he has aged. The dark brown-almost black hair is steel grey and white. His teeth are in a bad state. The hairs in his nose are wiry and need trimming now and again. He has always been overweight, and this hasn't improved over the years. When I met him, he sometimes had a sore ankle having hurt himself (I don't remember how). Now he has a permanent limp and is in pain if he walks for more than an hour or so. Some things have improved, his skin is free from spots and perhaps the greasiness has kept the lines away. He kept his long, feminine eyelashes that go well with his dark eyes.

He got home from work early but very tired. I tries to make a fuss of him, but he just wanted to be left alone to watch the news. He did the things he generally does: ate the tea I cooked for him, commented on the news stories, told me about little troubles at work. We all sang him happy birthday and he opened the little parcel of wine, sweets and cards. He didn't want to drink the wine, I don't know why because this isn't like him. He gave H a lift to and from a thing going on at school, although I offered to go. The jelly snakes went down well though. He went to bed early and was asleep before I got there. I listened to him breathing and watched his face, I didn't get to sleep until 4.

All of this leaves me worried. Maybe he is ill, or there is real trouble. He is stoic in lots of ways and if he is, he wont say, not for a long time. We have been talking about maybe going to Bestival this year. Nick wants to see one of the German techno bands he likes. I'm just not sure he's up to it. He would be uncomfortable sitting on the ground and walking about, never mind sleeping in a tent. He doesn't like to be in a crowd. Hell, he even struggled at the Godiva Festival which lets face it is only a Town Fete. There is a bit of selfishness in my worries. Most times we have a day out together he gets grumpy and tired. I know the pain gets to him, but I get impatient and its no fun. So I think it would be a big investment in being miserable. We've talked about it and he is keen though, so maybe I should trust him on this, as I do on everything else, after all.