Today's achievement, and oh boy, what an achievement it is, I've written an email to get a reference from a former boss. I've agonised over it for weeks, the thought of it makes me sick, it's brought back all sorts of horrible memories. Thinking about it has confirmed that I'm still angry, embarrassed and have all sorts of issues. There is a part of me that would rather be sending this man a dog turd than a request for a favour. And yet......I do think he's best placed, and, because he is when all's said and done, a forgiving man of some integrity, he will do it well. I just need to get over feeling debased by it. I hate asking anyone for anything, but I see no way around it, it has to be done.
I can't imagine that many people would understand this, but today, I had a lovely surprise visit from someone who does. H spins the coin tomorrow. She will be having one of those days that may make or break the future. A day to look back on with satisfaction or despair. She will have some influence over it, but not much. It's been a year in coming, but will be over within an hour or so. To outward appearances, she's together and cool about it. Absolutely prepared. I admire her courage, I think I would have run from it all, but she is, in spite of horrendous setbacks, standing always moving forwards. She helped me finish the email about the reference insisting on my doing what I didn't want to do and softening it up with a bit of personal stuff. Apparently starting 'Dear Fucking Wanker' wasn't a good start. Who knew?
Picture above from Skins. I've been enjoying the back catalogue.
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