Thursday 16.7.09

At last a day of feeling like my better self. It's been a long time coming.

I got out of the house at lunchtime and sat in McDonalds to do some writing. I did have a twinge of guilt as I was eating the fatty, meaty food. It felt like a betrayal of all my commitments to support Nina with the veggie/weight loss endeavour. I didn't even enjoy the food all that much after the first few bites. I did enjoy watching the teenagers at the table opposite who were being slightly too loud and sharing one drink between six. One boy got hold of a helium-filled balloon and was showing off the effects of breathing in the gas. The girls were giggling, and other boys began to fetch more balloons. The last boy went for his but came back looking crestfallen. "I got told off", he said. Poor lad. There's no rewards in life for missing your opportunities. He had missed out on the adulation of the girls and scooped the indignity of censure from the adult world for an act he never got to perform.

Thankfully, I settled down and got some writing done. I had to start a new notebook. I use A4 lined hardbacked Red&Black, and this is my third one for this project. It has come a long way over the last year and although it will probably never be read by anyone, I am proud of the achievement so far. I haven't written for a few weeks, but got back into it quite easily and was reluctant to stop and get to the supermarket, but Nick had been promised meat for tea so off I went.

At about 11pm, Darcy and I went for a walk. I don't usually go out after dark on my own, but it doesn't frighten me. It was interesting that in the absence of daylight the familiar streets were renewed. I became aware of the tracery of telegraph wires highlighted by the orange streetlights. Bikes were chained to lamp-posts, infinitesimally decaying under their raindrop coating. There was a cluster of snails hanging out on a small stretch of pavement. No kids were drinking on street corners. When I stooped to pick up after Darcy, a police car slowed at the junction, lights flashing leisurely. Just checking out a fat middle-aged woman picking up dog mess in the moonlight.

Over the last 24 hours I've watched an everyday miracle. A young woman I knew at B&Q went into labour and gave birth to her baby son. Along with several other people, I read the updates with increasing excitement. Congratulations to S and her family. Baby H is beautiful.