As I wrote today's date, I couldn't remember what happened yesterday. It has all come back to me of course. We went to the Dogs' Trust open day. H was late home, I was in a bad mood and then ended up in the sun without a hat. I capped that by being rude to Nina who didn't deserve it. In the evening, I put a picture of Richard Herring up as my screensaver. I never even did that at the height of my Billy Bragg obsession last year. So, that's me fully regressed to my teenage self.
Today, I tried to tidy up and get shopping. I was very low on energy and nearly fainted in the supermarket queue. It took three attempts to put the shopping away. I couldn't eat my tea, was feeling sick. Maybe I'm coming down with something.
Certainly, I'm a bit down, and not good to be around. Can't say anything right. I'm conscious that Nick wants me to get a job. Trouble is, I'm in no state. Confidence once again low. Deeply tired and unfit. I just don't know a way out of this.
The mostly veggie diet with slimming attempt continues. It is making me deeply unpopular with Nick who is at the point of wanting to sabotage it, asking for a full English breakfast for tea. I cooked him bacon, poached eggs, oven chips and beans for tea. He got cross when I asked him not to have bread with it (he had eaten two slices of toast when he came home). I haven't seen him all evening, he's been in the room next door working. How strange that we fall out over such small things, making them far greater points of conflict than they should be. I think that because I'm low, I'm seeing cracks where there are none. I hope it's not that I'm low because the cracks are real. Either way, I need somehow to do better. This would be reversing a six year trend though, so I don't see any possibility of fixing myself.
In summary: my life is fucked.
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